Story jokes anyone?

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and
found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every
buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden.....POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old
woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make
those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any
butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have
any butter for your toast for the rest of your life...... As a matter of fact,
you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!!
Then POOF!......she was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred,
where are you?"
Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."
Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T
SWING!"

My English teacher's favourite joke (v. British, so I won't mind if you don't find it funny...)


What do you call a polar bear with thirty-two balaclava hats on his head?







































Anything you like, he can't hear you...

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist wearing a tuxedo and an anxious look who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I have an explanation. I just wanted to say..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.

Spoiler:

Yeah, it's kind of cheesy, but I enjoyed it. (Click on the box to reveal the punch-line, if you didn't figure it out already.